Some things I never imagined would happen in my life...

1) Excitement to see another individual’s bowel movements change from a black, tar-like substance to a “seedy”, “mustardy”, yellow. Guys, they try to trick you with fancy names like “meconium”, but don’t kid yourself; cleaning these initial bowel movements is not fancy at all.
2) Getting the opportunity to dodge close calls from incoming pee and “projectile” poop. For fathers-to-be, you will want to do at least 3 months of cardio and weight-training to prepare for this. If you show up without being in top physical shape, your “innocent” newborn will definitely strike a menacing blow.
3) Doing multiple sets of “up-downs” throughout all hours of the night until you double over in exhaustion. Former athletes (I obviously use that term loosely), you know what I mean when I mention “up-downs”. The only difference between those hot, mid-summer, face-in-the-dirt exercises and these is; there isn’t a cool refreshing drink at the end from a bulleted P.V.C. pipe along side your buddies. The new, and improved “up-downs” don’t really have an end in sight. The second you hit the bed there is a new “un-expected” need from either the loving wife or helpless newborn. I have a suspicious feeling this updated version of a classic callisthenic will linger on many years from now.
4) Having a weird desire to drive 5-10 mph BELOW the speed limit. Why is this?? That baby is in more safety devices than Little “E” driving 200+ at Daytona. If those NASCAR boys aren’t afraid of that, I should have no issues with keeping up with the 40mph minimum on I16.
5) Following through with the strange, un-explainable urge to smell the residue on my finger after one of those early-stage bowel movements. I can’t understand a couple of occurrences in this scenario: A) Why am I not grossed out that I have another person’s excretion on my person?? B) Why am I not able to resist the urge to move it closer to my nose?? My brain is trying to transmit a message to my arm and thumb. Don’t do it!! You have nothing to gain!! My arm doesn’t get the message and my thumb reaches my nose. I am mentally prepared to experience the sensation of a profoundly disgusting smell; but to my displeasure, I smell nothing at all.
6) After 31 years of living I’ve reached 100% agreement with my parents. After hearing the news that we were pregnant, they kept telling me life was about to change. And not just in a minor way, but in a way that you can’t really remember what your life was like before. They were right (Yes, I said it. You can notate the date). Before Cannon, Kimberly and I wasted hours in front to the television. We took our time together for granted, knowing we would have the next, predictable night to do whatever we chose to do. Now we find ourselves living in the moment, enjoying every new sound and facial expression (he makes some of the greatest, grumpiest faces imaginable). Parents, thank you for being right!!
7) Finding myself even more in love with my wife today, after 4+ years of marriage, than on the evening I committed my life to her. I’m not trying to get all sappy on you, but it’s true. I love watching her nurse our newborn son. I love watching how he responds to her. With her he knows he’s 100% secure. Kimberly, don’t worry about Cannon ever coming before you, or between us. You and Cannon are a team, a pair, an un-separable unity and I will do everything I can to make sure both of you are as happy as possible. I love you both!! God has truly blessed our home and I know I’m not deserving.